My whirlwind heart felt torn. I love Canada. I love my family. I love the tranquility and the smell of the air (except that Truro smell..). I love my church. I love my friends. I love waking up in my own bed and being free to fill my day with whatever I please. And to be honest, I caught myself going through entire days without even acknowledging Him. I got up, had food, had exactly everything I needed and more, and if I didn't well, I'd go get it. From waking up to going to bed- I was completely in control.
Each morning I wake up here, I am completely at a loss. I often I have no idea what my days will even hold. Whether we're building or cleaning our base, I run out of strength, patience, and motivation. I can't do it on my own. I need Him- in every moment of every day. I see my weakness and I see how He meets me there.
For example- I came back to the DR on Sunday, May 17th. I woke up Monday morning and unpacked. We had a team arrive here that afternoon. Tuesday morning we got up bright and early and prepared to go and build three houses. I wasn't ready. I wasn't excited. I didn't want to go. We stood in a circle around the foundation and I looked at the family we were building for. Their oldest son looked at me and smiled. True joy from deep inside. I found out later that day that he is deaf. I started my work of setting up saw horses for painting and opening new paint brushes. The daughter of the family tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Can I help you?" Big brown eyes and a kind heart. As the day progressed, I found myself painting with the daughter- Mariele. She wouldn't stop smiling. She looked at me with excitement and said, "Maybe this piece of wood will go in my room." The little things. I asked her, "What are you most excited for in your new house?" She said, "Not having rain fall on us while we are sleeping." Humbled. I won't ever understand what it's like to live in those circumstances, but I hope and pray to have that kind of gratitude and awareness when God provides for me.
Jesus- thank You for these moments. Humbled by Your sacrifice. You left everything for me. You gave it all up. Thank you for loving me and for loving Mariele.
I am so small and He is so big. If there's anything I've been learning, it's that I won't ever learn everything. I have been trying to wrap my mind around a God who cannot be tamed. His love knows no boundaries and today all I know is I am called to love His people. I know He has brought me here. I know He will guide me. I know He is with those who I cannot physically be with right now. He will never leave me or forsake me. He is truly in control and I am truly not. For all of these things I am eternally grateful.
