where you go, I'll go

A few days after we finished our project in Batey Esperanza, me and a few others stopped in to do a few things. We drove up to where we had been building, and I saw a shoe-less little boy running and playing in front of our newly finished building. Angel :) I got out of the car and waited for him to see me. He ran over and gave me a hug as if he hadn't seen me in years. I asked him the normal questions and then I asked him if he wanted to go do the things we had come to do. He looked at me with fear in his big eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"...Are you going too?"

"Of course!"

"Oh. Yes I want to go with you." 

He looked at me with excitement as I lifted him into our big, loud, green truck. He looked around and then looked at me and smiled. We got to the house and I got out. I put my hands out to pick him up and he just sat there looking at me. 

"Come on! Let's go!" 

"But I like it right here." 

"But you have to come. This is where we're going!" 

".. Okay." 

He got out and held my hand as we walked to the house. I picked him up over the rocky part as he didn't have shoes. Kids started following us as we walked (as usual). They were laughing and making fun of him. "Why is she carrying you?" "Are you scared?" "Are you a baby?" "Why are you here?" "Where are you going?" 

He cuddled into my shoulder and closed his eyes, as if he couldn't hear them. 

He whispered, "I'm going with her. And I don't know where." 

I took Angel into the house with me and he held him in my arms. As we left and took him back to where we found him, God spoke to my heart. 

"Mairi.. be like Angel."

[And he said: Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.] 
-Matthew 18:3

Jesus, I want to go where you go. I don't know where that is, but I know that if you're there- I'll go. And when I get used to where I am, Lord, and you call me to do something else- I'll go there too. I won't stay in the truck when you want me to get out. I will block out the other voices when they don't understand. I will go with you- just because you're going. I know that you will carry me when I cannot go alone. I know that you go before. I know that you would not hurt me. Jesus, let me be more like Angel. Let me trust you more. 

I left my heart in Esperanza.

In March, we were building three houses in a community called Batey Esperanza. I can't tell you why, but that place intrigued me. The kids were constantly fighting, throwing rocks, saying bad words, and being disrespectful. But I was drawn to them. I wanted to hold them and say, "Why are you angry? What happened to you that made you this way?" The pastor that works in that community runs a school and a church and various feeding programs. Her love for Esperanza is contagious. She has far more dreams than memories. 

We finished building and didn't go back there for a while. One day, me and Court called Pastora Mercedes and we wanted to go see her ministry. We sat with her and talked for a while. We asked her what her greatest needs were and she mentioned she had recently purchased an old house that she wanted to turn into a classroom to teach girls practical skills like sewing, hairdressing, cooking, and nails. Prostitution is beyond control there. She told us she needed to paint the building before they'd be able to do anything there. So we told her we'd do it, and we went on our way.

We weren't able to go back there for a while because things on the base were busy and Mercedes was patient knowing we would come when we could. On this past Tuesday, we went to check out the place to know just how much paint we would need. What we found was a need far greater than paint could cover. Mercedes hammered opened the door and welcomed us in with excitement. The electricity hung from the roof onto a window that didn't open. The walls were covered in holes and spider webs. We walked around to the back to find more windows that were broken and not openable and some termite eaten doors. The roof was collapsing in places and was open and exposed. Where others saw worthless, she saw potential. She explained to us how she didn't have the money to do anything with it yet, but she was so excited about it. The first thing she wanted to do was fix the roof which was going to cost about 8,000 pesos (about $225.00). She told us she was going away to a conference for three days, but she'd be back friday. She left the keys with us and we left Esperanza full of crazy, exciting ideas. We went home and made a list of materials that we would need. 4 new doors, 4 new windows, paint, hole filler, cement, paint brushes, rollers, cleaning supplies, and so many more. God provided money and the next day we packed the back of our truck and went to Esperanza. 

As soon as we got the doors open, people filled the sidewalk full of questions. One man showed up and asked us immediately about the roof. "Are you going to fix that?" "Well, we aren't sure yet.""I know a guy who does that. Do you want me to go get him?" "Yeah sure." We started working and a man showed up at the door. He walked in and looked around. "How much would it cost to fix this?" "I'll do it for 1,500 pesos." "Done!" He started and finished within 5 hours. 

We left and came home- tired, but not feeling successful. The next two days were long and truly exhausting. Kids were forever coming in and getting in the way and it was hotter than I can explain. But I truly believe Jesus multiplied our time and the building was completely changing right in front of our eyes. 

On the last day, Thursday, I was getting tired. I was frustrated because the tape had pulled some of the paint off the walls and we brought the wrong colour by mistake. I was hungry and hot. I heard crying. I looked out the window and I saw a little boy crying and limping down the street. I ran out to see him. "Whats wrong little boy? Why are you crying?" He looked at me with big eyes and I picked him up. He snuggled into my shoulder and cried for a while longer. When he stopped I asked again, "What happened?" "A man threw a rock at me." My heart hurt and anger overwhelmed me. This little boy couldn't have possibly done anything worthy of being treated that way. I gave him cookies and chips and he sat contently with me and ate them. I asked him a million questions and I totally fell in love with him. His name is Angel and his big eyes and cautious smile won my heart. He followed me around for the rest of the day and told me he loved me as I walked him home. I left my heart with Angel.

As we packed the truck to go around 7:30 Thursday night (way later than we planned), we locked a door and gave the keys to a local man who works in the church. Nothing can explain that feeling to me. Safety, security, transformation. Ivan commented on our way out, "I'm tired, but I also feel full of energy." My body was empty, but my heart was full. 

I am in love with this place and with these moments. I believe in this community and I believe in what this place will be used for. Pastora Mercedes be blessed, but I feel far more blessed. It is better to give than to receive. 

What we saw the first day. The first two doors are hers.

Electricity.

Windows that don't open and holey walls.

The back windows.

My sweet Angel.

Day 3 :) 

Inside!

The back windows :)

Miguel was a faithful little helper everyday. 

Our sunset leaving Esperanza.

the safest place to be |

Her name is Caela and yes- she stole my heart.

Last week while in a local community called Los Solares, one child in the group stood out to me. She was wandering off and talking to her dirty clothing-less little doll and constantly being called back by the leaders. When she looked at me, her eyes captured my whole attention. Deep, unique, kind, curious hazel eyes. I made my way over to her and bent down to talk with her.

"Hello, whats your name?"
"Caela. And my doll is named little girl."
"Oh, do you love her?"
"Yes, of course. She's my little princess."

The group was moving over to another spot and I turned to walk with everyone else. She grabbed my hand and walked with me. As the team we were with started their puppet show, she would not stop talking to me. I kept putting my finger to my lips and saying, "Shhh", and she would smile, shake her head, and pull my hand down. She motioned for me to bend down so she could talk into my ear.

"This little girl is my baby. I love her."

I smiled and I stood back up.

She told me she couldn't see the puppet show and motioned for me to lift her up. In the process of me picking her up, her little doll fell from her safe place in Caela's arms. Devastated little Caela jumped from my arms and quickly picked up her doll and held her close. She closed her eyes and squeezed her baby.

"Caela, is she okay? Did she get hurt?"
"She says she's sad. But she said she knows I still love her."

Tears filled my eyes and I picked her back up. Caela followed me everywhere I went and even trusted me to hold her baby for a minute when she went to play. She looked over every 15 or 20 seconds to check to see that I was taking care of her. She got some candy and ran over to show me. She had two suckers- one for her and one for little girl. I asked Caela if it would be okay for my boyfriend to hold her baby and she looked at me for a minute and said, "Is it safe there?" I said, "Do you think so?" She though for a minute and then said, "Yes, because I know you love my little girl too."

Her baby that she loved was hurt by something beyond her control, but she knew she was okay because Caela loved her. She was safe in that love. How much more am I safe in the love of my heavenly Father? She trusted me to love what she loved. She trusted me to love her little girl. Caela- you taught me more than you know. How many times has God whispered to me that He loves me, and yet when things go wrong that aren't His will, I question that perfect love?

Jesus- somedays I am sad. But I know you love me. Things hurt me- but I know you love me. I fall- but I am safe because You love me. And you have trusted me to love your children and to protect them.

May I always remember the way that you've loved me and that is the safest place to be. And may I always remember to send others around me into that safe love, too.

[Caela with her sucker for her baby.]