Warning: vulnerable post
below. I pray that my struggles may encourage others on this same journey I find myself living.
Today I quit.
I quit limiting myself within
what is safe and reasonable and I will believe in accomplishing the impossible
because “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”
I quit believing that the
opinions of other’s matter and finding worth in earthly relationships, and
believe that He thinks I am wonderful and loves me- regardless of what I have
done. “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
I quit feeling the need to
explain or justify where I have been wronged or have wronged others, and allow
Him to fill in the gaps that hurt and loneliness leave in one’s heart. “Behold,
I am with you, even until the end.”
I quit allowing insecurity
and past failures to hold me back, and to walk in the freedom that in my
weakness He is my strength. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I quit judging others on
their choices and struggles, because I know that I am also imperfect. I know
that He is still working in them as He is in me. He said, “Do unto others as
you would have them do until you”.
Today I quit letting
bitterness, regret, and hurt quietly control my thoughts, and chose to immerse
myself in the grace that is freely MINE and has saved my life.
Today I quit listening to the
voices that tell me I cannot, that I am un-forgiveable, un-shapable, and
un-usable, and remember that He has fearfully and wonderfully created me in His
image and prepared a place for me at His table. To call myself -and anyone
else- anything less is to discredit the work of His hands.
And tomorrow, I will quit these
things again. Probably the next day, too.
Today I quit the idea that
becoming like Jesus is a quick process. I have decided to follow and to strive
to be like Him, one area of my life at a time. I embrace failure, because He
embraces me. Taking up my cross, and moving forward. It’s heavy and somedays I
don’t want to, but He did it for me. He knows my inward thoughts and speaks
life over the dark words that threaten to steal my joy. I am learning to choose
what He thinks over what other’s think of me every single morning. And then
again at lunch time, throughout the afternoon, and when I can’t sleep at night.
He has called me lovely and righteous, so I will walk in truth.
And again I go before the
throne with the same issue that creeps its way back in to my heart. Somewhere
inside me fears that God will say, “Aren’t you over this yet? Come on Mairi,
that’s old news.” as often we hear from the voices around us. But when you come
before Him, He already knows the very thing that’s stealing your joy. He is
patient to hear, to love, and to remind us of His truth-as many times as it
takes- to sink deep and replace the lies that feel irreplaceable. Because He loves me. He loves me.
Today I quit expecting
perfection of myself and of those around me, and rememeber that He is the
perfect One and He loves me where I am, and too much to leave me here.
