a simple truth

I struggle to try and understand all that the gospel envelopes. Against all expectation, it has not become more complicated to me, but more simple. It's always been simple. Of course, my human mind will never be able to fully grasp all that it means. Jesus has given up everything for me, and I will never be able to repay that. Regardless of my efforts, I will never make Him love me more and He will never love me less. He gave His life for me knowing I would never be able to pay Him back. 

Still my mind says, Why would I give up my time, money, and efforts? Why would I continue to work with children and people who will never repay me? Why do I continue to walk this way after everyone else doubts His goodness? Why would I give anymore?

And He tells me, "Because I did it first." 

He gave it all, fully knowing that I can never pay that back. So I venture back to the place where need overwhelms me, and I will continue to give. Because He gave for me. As another hurts me, I will forgive. Because He forgave me. As another tests my patience, I will continue to be patient. Because He's been so patient with me. And as I teach lessons, I will learn them. Because He continues to teach me. I will walk with others because He's walked with me. I will hold hands and hearts as long as they need- because He's held mine. I did nothing to deserve what Jesus did for me, but if I do nothing in response to what Jesus has done for me, how can I say I understand what He's done? 

"All I can try to do for others is that which Jesus has done for me." 

Today.

I sit here and I reflect. Suitcases packed & ready to go tomorrow morning.

This summer has been a whirlwind of emotions and events. There have been ups and there have been downs. I am grateful for His consistency through all. I have learned much over the past months. I have learned that only He will forever be there for you. I have learned where my limits are and the importance of Sabbath. I have learned that without exception, it is better to give than to receive. I have learned how quickly all things can change. I have learned how quickly trust can be broken. I have learned how people quickly jump to conclusions. I have learned to chase my dreams- even if that leaves you alone. I have learned to listen for His voice harder and to act when He speaks. I have learned to speak the truth even when my voice shakes.

And I have learned of His faithfulness.

I cannot even explain the situations and the things that have brought me to the place where I am right now- nor would I want to. For I love and serve a God who is unexplainable and unpredicatable who works out all things for the good of those who love Him.

Tomorrow I go “home” to Canada for a short time, but my heart will stay here with the people who have captured it long ago. I am excited to hug the ones I love most and to be understood without explanation. I am blessed to have the most supportive family and friends encourage me from home as I walk on this adventure. Today I am grateful that Jesus’ opinion on me will never change, because He looks to the heart. I am grateful that despite me, He uses me. I am grateful that He heals, He restores, and He loves. Every time.

And so tomorrow I continue moving forward, because I know who goes before me. And I know that He is faithful, still.