Merry Christmas- I guess.

I'm sure you won't like what I have to say.
Imma go right ahead and say it anyway.

I remembering the anticipation and the careful choosing of what I wanted from "Santa". I remember waking up early to a stocking outside our bedroom doors. Forever holding a magazine that we wanted, toothpaste (which for years I believed you could only buy at Christmas..), unhealthy amounts of chocolate, among other things. There was something magical about Christmas. A time to be present with family and with friends.

A time to gather.  A time to celebrate. A time to share.  A time to eat too much. 

I keep being asked, "Are you ready for Christmas?" "Did you get your tree up yet?" "Did you get your shopping done?". To all of those questions I hesitantly answer no. I thought I'd feel more "Christmas-y" when the snow came, when December arrived, when I attempted to put up decorations, or when I bought a few gifts.

But I don't.

Go right ahead and call me the Grinch. I don't mind.

I just can't do it this year. I am overwhelmed by the crisis happening in the world around us. Countries are in turmoil. Children are being shot in their own homes in Aleppo, people. I read yesterday, "This is not the first time that the West has looked on and done nothing. It is the first time we have watched it happen in real time." That shakes me to the core. I promise you they aren't worried about getting their shopping done. These are our brothers and sisters. These are our neighbours. How can we sit idly by?

This is not a Merry Christmas for the people facing famine in Ethiopia right now.
This is not a Merry Christmas for the people risking their lives at Standing Rock.
This is not a Merry Christmas for the thousands of people left homeless after Hurricane Matthew crashed through Haiti.
It's not a Merry Christmas for the homeless in this very town and all over our country.

We are the minority here, friends. There is more hurt than healed in our world today.

I have to say I am TIRED of seeing fellow brothers and sisters in Jesus post complaints about our Prime Minister "letting" all of 'these refugees' into our country. I am tired of complaints of our money being used to support other countries. I am thankful to be a country that reaches out.

 As someone wiser than I put it, "Bible verses prove that politicians who loudly profess their Christian faith while denying aid to strangers, healthcare to the poor, food to the hungry, the right of women to control their own bodies, are actually violating the basic tenets of Christianity. Anyone who identifies as a Christian or who swears an oath on the Bible should be the loudest voices in favor of helping Syrian refugees."

I'm tired of the hate, the judgement, and the Facebook arguments. I am tired of it.
We are all human. We are all responsible. We are their only hope.

Here is what Jesus has to say in Matthew 25 from the Voice translation.

 King: You shall be richly rewarded, for when I was hungry, you fed Me. And when I was thirsty, you gave Me something to drink. I was alone as a stranger, and you welcomed Me into your homes and into your lives. I was naked, and you gave Me clothes to wear; I was sick, and you tended to My needs; I was in prison, and you comforted Me. Even then the righteous will not have achieved perfect understanding and will not recall these things.

Righteous: Master, when did we find You hungry and give You food? When did we find You thirsty and slake Your thirst? When did we find You a stranger and welcome You in, or find You naked and clothe You? When did we find You sick and nurse You to health? When did we visit You when You were in prison?

King: I tell you this: whenever you saw a brother or sister hungry or cold, whatever you did to the least of these, so you did to Me. 

At that He will turn to those on His left hand.

King: Get away from Me, you despised people whom My Father has cursed. Claim your inheritance—the pits of flaming hell where the devil and his minions suffer. For I was starving, and you left Me with no food. When I was dry and thirsty, you left Me to struggle with nothing to drink. When I was alone as a stranger, you turned away from Me. When I was pitifully naked, you left Me unclothed. When I was sick, you gave Me no care. When I was in prison, you did not comfort Me.

Unrighteous:  Master, when did we see You hungry and thirsty? When did we see You friendless or homeless or excluded? When did we see You without clothes? When did we see You sick or in jail? When did we see You in distress and fail to respond?

King: I tell you this: whenever you saw a brother hungry or cold, when you saw a sister weak and without friends, when you saw the least of these and ignored their suffering, so you ignored Me.

I'd say the message is pretty clear. 

I'm not saying we should cancel Christmas. It is [supposed to be] the celebration of Jesus, after all. But must we buy [totally unnecessary] gifts for each other to celebrate... Him? Do you think that's how he would want to be celebrated? Do you think He'd be putting up lights and a tree and drinking egg nog? I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say- probably not. I understand that it is easier to turn your eye and buy another gift and not change a thing. I 100% admit that I don't have this all mastered and figured out. But I feel so deeply convicted, shaken, and broken that I will not keep my mouth shut any longer. I won't add another item to my list. I won't just share the link on Facebook. 

This morning on pinterest (very spiritual, I know) I saw a picture with the words "I used to wonder why no one did anything about the hard things. Then one day I realized- I am someone." 

What if we actually lived like each person we encountered daily was Jesus Christ? What if we actually made HIS birthday about HIM this year? What if we actually lived the way He asked us to? 

We 'celebrate' the day He came to show us how to live and die for us. 

And then we live the rest of the year safe and warm and dry. 

Let's change that. 

Wait, what?

I have been sitting here watching this blank page as if waiting for my thoughts to jump out of my head onto this page and write themselves.

There are many reasons I can think of to not write today. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to see the views on this page of all of the mystery people who I know will read my thoughts and cares. But I cling to the hope that one person can relate, be encouraged, or even just have one of those raw, open, human moments. We seem to lack those these days. 

When my life was adventurous, foreign, new, and wildly unpredictable I had no problem sharing my everyday lessons with all who wanted to hear them. I have been believing the lie that my life here is no longer an adventure, but I now see how horribly untrue this is. Life, each and every single moment of it, when lived the way Jesus wishes, is ALWAYS an adventure. He is constantly shaping, constantly showing up, and always speaking. 

I feel as though I say "Wait, what?" either verbally or internally roughly 100 times per day. The common everyday parts of my life still blow me away. It often feels as though I am finally getting the hang of this adult thing, and all of a sudden something changes. A relationship breaks, a job changes, more bills come, someone moves, snow falls. Forever changing. I doubt I'll ever get the hang of it. It truly is an uphill battle. I'm not sure whats at the top of said hill. 

While I remain confident that God has called us to be in this in between season right now, I struggle with the why. But I rejoice in the way that He has always blown my mind with the way He brings it all together every time. I am learning about His consistency. There are so many times in any given day that things don't go as planned, but how very lovely it is to know that He is still the same. Life looks absolutely nothing like I would have expected it to right now, but I can rejoice because Jesus is still on the throne. I rejoice because seasons change. I rejoice because He knows the desires of my heart. I rejoice in the simple gospel. And I repent of putting limitations on my God. He is at work. The earth is His and everything in it [Psalm 24:1].  

I have this vision of myself holding a sign that says the words, "Work in progress." 

I love this idea. If a construction site says, "Work in progress"- the message is clear. It is unfinished, but no one expects it to be complete . There is change, anticipation of whats to come, and an understanding that where it stands now is not where it will stay. I am a work in progress. God is challenging me to be okay with that. He is challenging me to view others through that same lens. We change daily, but praise God that He is the same. 

A wise lady once told me that "The day you stop learning, you're either prideful or you're dead." There is so much to learn. I refuse to waste time.