r e s t

I wouldn't call myself a morning person, but I don't hate mornings. I usually don't find it too hard to get up and start the day. This morning I opened my eyes and I didn't want to move. I turned off my alarm and I got out of bed, but all of a sudden the world was spinning and I quickly sat back down on my bed. Dizzy. My stomach was cramping and I felt like I was going to be sick. I ignored everything in me telling me to go to bed and I continued my day as normal. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I went outside to spend some time in prayer and then I went downstairs into the crowded kitchen for breakfast. My head hurt. I tried to carry on normal conversations, but I found it hard to focus. Courtney looked at me and said, "Go back to bed. You look awful. I'll do your work today." (Shout out to you, Court, for being the kindest person I know.) I made my way back up the stairs feeling defeated and weak.

I laid in my bed and I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I started to pray. "God, I spent time with you this morning. I want to work today. I have things to do. I need to clean, I need to do laundry, I need to write emails." No reply. "But God I need to go. There's people waiting for me. There's things to be done." 

Silence.

Waiting.

"But I told you, 'Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.' 'For my presence will go with you and I will give you rest.' Why do you think you're invincible? Being tired is not surrendering. You have not given up. Today may you realize that my strength is yours, but you need to first realize that you need me. You do not earn my love. I will not love you more if you work today or if you stay in bed. Others may, but I am constant. Do not fear them. For I am the wellspring of life and apart from me you are nothing. Do not forget who's you are." 

Today I am weak and I understand that in my weakness He is made strong in me. I cannot do this without Him. Today I am dependant and today I am not invincible. I cannot confuse who I am with what I do. May we never be so focussed on what we are doing that we lose why we are doing it. God does not yell and He will not compete for my attention. Being still and knowing that He is God is different in each day. Whether I am cleaning a bathroom for the thousandth time or sitting in the dirt with half naked children, He has called me to be still and remember why I do this.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." 
-[Isaiah 40:28-30]