The past two months God has revealed and changed more in me than I can ever write down. Over and over He has shown me who He really is. I am so thankful that He is not who I think or say He is. He is not trapped in my box or in any way defined by me. He simply is. My God is "I am." He always has been, He is now, and He forever will be. He's God of the universe, my Perfect Father, my best friend, and worthy of praise. He is to be feared & He is to be loved.
Last week I was reading in my quiet time about Jesus feeding the 5,000. That same day in class, our speaker talked about this story in a way I had never heard it. In the Bible, there are no detailed descriptions of the boy that came with these five loaves and fish. As far as we know, he was just a typical little boy. He came expecting a normal day. He probably woke up feeling the same as any other day. I imagine him being alone with a little backpack, ready for a cute typical little boy adventure- but that's just me :) All it took was for him to be willing- to trust. It doesn't say he gave some and kept a little bit for himself because he was hungry. It doesn't say he hid a little bit in his pockets for safe keeping. He gave it all to Jesus. He gave believing that Jesus would provide and multiply the little he had. He placed everything he had in his hands into the hands of The Saviour- and what he gave became more than enough. Jesus took the little bit he thought was small and insignificant, and blessed thousands with it. All this boy did was be willing. That's all God asks of us.
That same day I felt God tugging at my heart to place all that's in my hands into His and watch it become more than enough. I may be small, I may not think I have anything to give, & I may think my hands are empty. God sees through the crowd into my heart and into my hands. He won't relent until He has it all. I'm excited to see what Jesus will do through the bits of things I have taken out of my hands and placed in His. My God does miracles. I am learning daily that it's not about what you give; it's about the attitude of your heart. It's an exciting place to be.
I think my biggest revelation has been realizing that me and Jesus are doing this life together. I talked about this in my last blog. I think it's funny to think I used to stress and worry about "missing God's will" or "choosing the wrong path". We make God's will entirely too complicated. I somehow thought God needed me to accomplish something for Him on earth during my life. As if God needs me, right?! I need Him- not the other way around. If God wanted to do something, He could do it. He doesn't 'need' me to do anything for Him. Nothing I could do would ever make God love me more or love me less. Walking daily with Jesus is the only way to life. He loves me, and without that love, I am nothing. There are enough people playing it safe. I believe we were created for faith, for adventure, and for living on the edge. Our life on earth is only a second in eternity. We were not called to live boring lives- we were made to be radical. If we take Jesus seriously, if we believe everything He has said, we will see the world change. Keeping our eyes fixed on Him.
At the very start of Jeremiah, he says to God in chapter 1 verse 6, "Oh, God. I really don't know how to speak well enough for that. I am too young." and God replies, "Don't ever say I am too young. Go to whomever I send you and say whatever I tell you. I am there with you."
This is our call, too. Let's go.
We are called to go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Love God, love your neighbor. Care for the widow and the orphan. Love. He said we would do greater things than He did. I am not going to wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself. Imagine if we started taking Jesus seriously. I want to give it all I have- running in reckless abandon toward my Creator. This is life. There is no life outside of Him.
"God, I want to know your heart. I want what you want. In my weakness, you are stronger. You must become greater and I must become less. Thank you that you are love- love that can move the mountains, but knows me by name. Let your joy be my strength. In Jesus name, amen."
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