I quit.

Warning: vulnerable post below. I pray that my struggles may encourage others on this same journey I find myself living. 

Today I quit.

I quit limiting myself within what is safe and reasonable and I will believe in accomplishing the impossible because “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”

I quit believing that the opinions of other’s matter and finding worth in earthly relationships, and believe that He thinks I am wonderful and loves me- regardless of what I have done. “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”

I quit feeling the need to explain or justify where I have been wronged or have wronged others, and allow Him to fill in the gaps that hurt and loneliness leave in one’s heart. “Behold, I am with you, even until the end.”

I quit allowing insecurity and past failures to hold me back, and to walk in the freedom that in my weakness He is my strength. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I quit judging others on their choices and struggles, because I know that I am also imperfect. I know that He is still working in them as He is in me. He said, “Do unto others as you would have them do until you”.

Today I quit letting bitterness, regret, and hurt quietly control my thoughts, and chose to immerse myself in the grace that is freely MINE and has saved my life.

Today I quit listening to the voices that tell me I cannot, that I am un-forgiveable, un-shapable, and un-usable, and remember that He has fearfully and wonderfully created me in His image and prepared a place for me at His table. To call myself -and anyone else- anything less is to discredit the work of His hands.

And tomorrow, I will quit these things again. Probably the next day, too.

Today I quit the idea that becoming like Jesus is a quick process. I have decided to follow and to strive to be like Him, one area of my life at a time. I embrace failure, because He embraces me. Taking up my cross, and moving forward. It’s heavy and somedays I don’t want to, but He did it for me. He knows my inward thoughts and speaks life over the dark words that threaten to steal my joy. I am learning to choose what He thinks over what other’s think of me every single morning. And then again at lunch time, throughout the afternoon, and when I can’t sleep at night. He has called me lovely and righteous, so I will walk in truth.

And again I go before the throne with the same issue that creeps its way back in to my heart. Somewhere inside me fears that God will say, “Aren’t you over this yet? Come on Mairi, that’s old news.” as often we hear from the voices around us. But when you come before Him, He already knows the very thing that’s stealing your joy. He is patient to hear, to love, and to remind us of His truth-as many times as it takes- to sink deep and replace the lies that feel irreplaceable. Because He loves me. He loves me.

Today I quit expecting perfection of myself and of those around me, and rememeber that He is the perfect One and He loves me where I am, and too much to leave me here.