Just Mairi.

I am Mairi. Please do not hear this as a message of insecurity, but as a truth that has brought me into a freedom I cannot explain. I am just 20 years old. I am not qualified to do anything at all. I am an average human being with my normal struggles and normal fears. I come from a normal family with normal problems. I do not have a wild story of overcoming a hard past- I am just Mairi. I say and do the wrong things, I trust the wrong people, I have had my heart broken. I am weak and inadequate.

A year ago, God started working in my heart. He started challenging me to step out and to be willing to do something brave- something different. He began to call me to new things- things that didn’t make sense, and things I didn’t have the answers to. I was studying the Bible, preparing to be in ministry, living comfortably and quietly in my little world. But He started to speak to my heart. Well, He was always speaking. I just started to hear. December 26^th I flew home. To the place that has stretched me, has taught me, shaped me, and totally captured my heart. Getting off that plane I felt that familiar warm breeze and smell of Dominican air. “Home” my heart whispered. I had new experiences, made new friends, saw old ones, and fell in love all over again. The people are warm and resilient. They love deeply and fully- as tomorrow is not a promise. While their often plan-less lifestyle may seem irresponsible and careless, I feel we may have something to learn from them. I could tell story after story of children and families who amaze me as they grow and change. 8 years of hugs, of tears, of learning, of goodbyes and hellos, of loving, and of changes.

But then as quickly as I came, I left. I returned to school and my heart stayed behind.

“Go” He would say.

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“My ways are not your ways.”

“People will talk about me. They wont understand. They’ll ask questions.”

“Perfect love drives out fear.”

I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus. The beautiful girls I was surrounded by (you know who you are) heard hours of my heart battle my mind. My insecurities would yell out to me and I would listen to them. I would hear others voices over His. “But I thought God called you here?” “What are you going to do there?” “You need to be trained first.” “You seemed to be so happy here!”

I didn’t have the answers. In fact, I still don’t. But I know there’s no better place than obedience and believing in what you cannot see. He has provided for me in incredible ways. Jesus has shown up in the form of small children who walk holding my hands down garbage filled streets to the elderly who sit and share their stories with me.

292 days ago, I returned to the DR. These have been the most stretching 10 months of my life. But He knew where I would be today, and He knew every step along the way. I came back to serve at Youth With a Mission, San Pedro in March. I was there for 6 months and learned much. But again in the summer, He started to ask me to move. He showed me His heart, opened doors in places I cannot explain, and led me to Esperanza. I struggled again with the fears of being misunderstood- and I was. It was painful and challenging and lonely at times. But I know He was there for each night spent in tears, for each day I felt I just couldn’t go on, and through each decision. I am thankful that He has trusted me to serve in Esperanza. I am a dreamer, I’ll admit, and in July, I wrote out my dreams for this Batey. Today I sit in awe- as they have already been fulfilled. He amazes me. My eyes spilled over with tears in December as I hugged my girls and my new family saying “see you in a month”. They were not tears of sadness, for I will hug them again so soon, but tears of gratitude. A year ago I would have laughed if you had said to me, “Oh yes- in a year you’ll be living on your own in a busy city, teaching English, and traveling to and from a Batey outside the city on the back of a motorcycle daily.” But today I sit and can only laugh at the way He has been so very faithful.

I am Mairi. I am no one extraordinary- but please hear me- HE IS. I said yes to a God who has promised victory to those who love Him. I said yes to a God who is strong when I am weak, who calls the willing not the qualified, Who speaks to those who are willing to listen, who longs to be with His children, and who will not be satisfied under every ear has heard and every tongue confess that He is GOD. I wake up often and think, “Today I cannot. No. I can’t do this.” But He reminds me “You didn’t say yes to Mairi- you said yes to ME.”